86 means You’re Fired.

Please don’t ever leave me stranded
and no longer holding-handed
with “STUPID” forever branded
in the softness of my skin

Please don’t make my heart so hardened
that I’ll never grant your pardon
leaving memories all chard in
time with hope and life and him.

Is it so hard to remember
before we were burning embers
of the fifth day of November
We were kind of sort of friends

We never got to 100
But we broke our vow and wondered
If and why this even happened
And is 86 the end?

I told you I was sorry and all I got was "it's not your fault"

I almost had you
almost once
almost more than most
i let you do things
she never would
is that why?
I'm already fucked up?
might as well.
I've been used
but this hurts more
because you were so good to me
because I wanted you
but when i looked at you
your eyes were gone. to a far away land
And you were only your hands.
my god, i was stupid.
I thought i believed you
and even now, i'm thinking of you
i just might forgive you
you're not even sorry
and all that i got
was an almost apology
from you:
"ya totaly we're just friends is all i want thankkkks its just kinda weird and i dont think it was right
but we can still be cool"

This always happens.

Perdition

NO one should have days like this

No one should know what I am ; how it is

If you hear me tonight

If you're scared so am I

And I want you to know that I really did try


For about a week before I lost my nerve

A week went unspoken, I still go unheard

I don't think you'd listen, I don't think you'd believe

If I told you I'd stay but I just had to leave

everyone on the phone is a stranger

I'm estranged and I'm a stranger and a friend but I really did try

For about a week until the wounds had healed

And now I have a desperate aching need

I haven't spoken since I was fourteen

And I am trying so hard not to bleed

No one in the world should have days like this

Will you please just look and fucking SEE

I am grounded by the truth of what this really is

And All I can remember-being three.

Being ruined by what was supposed to be

What held me and my family together

Isn't this just not supposed to happen

Wasn't he supposed to be my father

If I stop writing now I might not remember

And for the love of God I have to know

What happened that night when my soul was dismembered

And why did I stay when I wanted to go

And why does that room still give me nightmares

And why can't I sleep without my door locked

And why was it me and was it ever her

And did she ever know and was it my fault

No one should ever have days like this